It was late at night, and I left the gym, eager for a shower and bed. I realized that it wouldn’t be such a fast trip when I noticed the flat tire on my car. Whipping out my AAA card, I made the call that has saved me time, grease, and sanity over the years. The AAA service representative called me back, checked on my safety, and headed over.
Over the next hour, what was supposed to be a routine tire change turned into a distressing first-hand encounter of racial targeting, as the property security guard stopped and began harassing my AAA agent. It was “harassment lite,” the kind that I suspect mimics most sexual, racial, and emotional harassment. There was no overt name-calling or threats, just the pit in my stomach that told me something was wrong.
Doubting my own judgment, I commented on it to the Black AAA representative. His response hurt my heart: “he wants to make sure I don’t steal your car. He’s just trying to get a rise out of me. It’s okay. I deal with this all the time.”
Fast-forward: I followed up with calls to the entities involved, a written report, and a written compliment for the AAA agent. Fortunately, I’ve had positive interactions with security, police, and AAA before, so I obtained sound guidance and objective advice to guide me through the unfamiliar process.
I did the right thing, but it hurts. I’m a peace-lover, and I don’t like making waves. I don’t want to accuse people falsely—what if the guard was simply socially inept? Did I create more pain? Will the complaint inform training as I had intended, or will it increase the racial divide?
Doing the right thing didn’t erase the injustice of a Black man trying to make me feel better as he worked to de-escalate the situation. It didn’t erase his words, “don’t worry, I’m used to dealing with this. I just try to do good.” And maybe more than anything, it didn’t erase the knowledge that my 2-3 week upheaval of filing a formal complaint is nothing compared to the daily stress he encounters as a Black man. Somehow, the fact that he accepted it as part of life made it worse. It’s not fair.
I did the right thing, but it hurts. Maybe it’s supposed to be that way, though. Maybe we start healing the world when someone else’s pain becomes our pain. Maybe we start healing the world when we feel strongly enough to push past our comfort zones and personal agendas and inconveniences.
I don’t know if you have a situation right now where you need to do the right thing or if you will encounter one in the future. Here are some things I learned:
♦ It’s hard to do anything perfectly when you haven’t done things before. Do your best, but don’t be hard on yourself if you don’t get all the details right.
♦ Share the situation with a few people you trust, both for practical guidance and emotional support.
♦ It may hurt your reputation. (This one is/was hard for me. I want people to think well of me).
♦ You may never know the ripple effects.
As I write this, I don’t know the outcome. I don’t know what I will hear back. I received a threatening response and worry that someone will try to take legal action against me. I don’t know if there will be any happy ending to this story. What I do know is that we often judge the results of our actions in the present, and the results are often far into the future, some of which we will never see. So take courage, take heart, be strong. Be wise. Get advice. Surround yourself with good people. Then do the right thing in the best way you can.