I was at a leadership conference. I forget the exact topic of one of the talks, but a speaker said something like, “repeated words become our beliefs, our beliefs become our actions, our actions change our lives.” Or something like that. I’m a psychologist, trained extensively in cognitive-behavioral therapy and other theories of how humans think, act, and thrive. So I didn’t get hung up on the sequence, but what rose to the top of my mind was, “what if I could use repetition to create a healing belief for my clients?”

There are multiple problems with that idea. First, I can’t “make” people believe. If someone told me that the sky was pink, repeating it wouldn’t make me believe it, even though I’d want to do so because I love pink. The second problem was that I’d solidly moved away from traditional counseling, and worse, specialized specifically in analytical people who don’t feel comfortable wearing emotions on their sleeves. In fact, I gained credibility and trust by NOT being mushy on the front end.

So I sat in the auditorium of the conference, having a genuine “Oh sh__” moment. You see, I have this thing that happens inside of me that recognizes truth, regardless of its convenience. It was not convenient. Because in 60 seconds, I knew what I needed to say to my clients. I knew the truth that I wanted them to hear, and I knew that maybe I could help carve it into their minds, and possibly, their souls. And I really, really didn’t want to.

One Week Later

Tricia: “Okay, so I have this super-awkward thing that I need to ask you to do. I’m so sorry. I don’t want to, but I was at this conference…and I sort of need to.”

Client: “Okay…”

Tricia: “I need you to stand, and look me in the eyes. Now repeat after me.”

Tricia: “I am amazing, Tricia.”

Client: “I am amazing, Tricia.”

Tricia: “I am lovable, and I am loved.”

Client: “I am lovable, and I am loved.”

Tricia: “I have a special gift to give to this world.”

Client: “I have a special gift to give to this world.”

What Happened Next

No one refused to do it. I may have refrained with 1 or 2 people if I truly thought that the exercise would send them screaming from the room. Apart from that, it was a week of awkwardness as I went through the same embarrassed spiel for the first time with each client. However, what shocked me was the reaction. People cried. We literally flipped from professional conversation into some type of..sacred space. Some people struggled to get the words out.

I had a few clients who absolutely could not say that they were lovable, no matter how inflated their success or ego appeared. You see, sometimes we conflate what we’ve done with our worthiness as human beings. We’ve all messed up. We’ve hurt people, both intentionally and unintentionally. Sometimes, we’ved done things we’re not proud of.  For people in the armed forces, who have been trained to kill, there can be soul-trauma, whether they are atheist or people of faith.

We kept at it, week after week. Eventually, the people who questioned themselves were able to meet my eyes. Gradually, it took them fewer tries to get the words out. For the people who were more comfortable at the onset, their voice strengthened, their confidence grew, and they started smiling.

What I knew that they knew, was that I saw them, and that they were safe with me.

 

What I Learned

I hope the following resonates you, regardless of your faith orientation or lack thereof. There are times, when truth screams at me. Some will call it intuition. Some will call it the Holy Spirit, the God within, or our Higher Self. Others may see it as simply tuning it to doing what seems right or our powerful subconscious suggesting a solution. What I know is that when I feel that inaudible voice screaming in my ear, it usually:

a) defies logic

b) makes me know I’m about to be vulnerable and feel like an idiot

c) has the power to reach through the chaos and speak to what matters.

 

I learned that listening is worth it, no matter how uncomfortable and cringe-worthy.

Encouragement

 I’m not sure if you need encouragement to listen to truth, even if it makes you feel like an idiot. Or, maybe you need encouragement to repeat these words, “I am amazing. I am lovable, and I am loved. I have a special gift to give to this world.”